This was the day I died. The sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky. You can even hear faint singing of the birds. It was a good day to die.
I wanted to die peacefully, like most people do. But you can’t really choose now, can you? Once you’re dead, you’re dead. And your preferred way of dying wouldn’t really matter. Just pray it would not be in the Final Destination kind of way.
And so, just like that, I got hit by a car which ended my life. So cliché.
“Do you ever get that feeling that something is about to end?”
“What do you mean?” my friend, Anna, asked.
“What if I die, like, right now?” Anna nudged me and stared at me as if I’ve gone insane.
“I’m serious! I mean, I just wonder.”
“What’s gotten into you? And what’s up with all these questions?” came the reply.
“Just… nothing. Just a random question.”
“Can we talk about something else? Oooh, I saw Sam yesterday.”
“Samantha! The girl you have the hots for. Sorry, but I think she’s taken. She’s with this impossibly attractive guy… sexy body, great smile, he looks smart, too…”
“Spare me the details.” I interrupted. “Let’s go back to a more interesting topic – death.”
“Death of your heart?” she smirked.
“What?! Heartbreak can actually cause physical pain, you know.”
“Seriously, death is a normal part of life but people avoid talking about it, like what you’re trying to do just now.”
“It makes me sad thinking about it.”
“I think talking about it makes you appreciate life more. Allows you to put things into perspective.”
“Oh yeah? But that doesn’t stop us from doing stupid things, and being mean, and destroying the environment.”
I paused. Anna looked at me curiously. “What are you thinking about now?” she prodded.
“What happens after we die?”
“Nothing. Just poof! Simply the end.”
“I think I prefer believing that there’s life after death. At least you’ve got something to hope for.”
Tuesdays with Morrie lamented how everything seems to move on as any normal day despite someone dying. That’s just the way it is. Whether we accept it or not. We’re not going to get out of life alive.
Too bad for me. I won’t be able to tick off items from my bucket list. Wait, I didn’t really have a bucket list. There are still so many things I haven’t tried.
I think the hardest thing is I wasn’t able to say good-bye to the people I love. I just wish they realize that I do love them despite me not saying it enough.
Would it make any difference if I was given more time? Maybe so, maybe not. Well, time is just an illusion anyway.
How am I still having these thoughts? I’m supposed to be dead, right?
Then I started seeing memories, like camera lights flashing. Good, bad, happy, sad. Faces of relatives, friends, enemies (can’t remember why I fought with that guy). I lived a meaningful life. And I guess it’s a good day to die.